The pandemic has taken a lot from many people.
The death of so many loved ones is an obvious heart break.
The fact that we simply don’t know how long things will go on this way.
We can do our best to be OK with the unknown, and while that’s all fine and great, it can also lead to emotionally bypassing the very real grief that many people are feeling but not acknowledging.
I feel f*cking sad and angry that the past two years of my life have NOT gone at all the way I had hoped.
And I'm glad I feel sad and angry about it. It means I'm real and alive.
As humans, we set hopes and expectations based on how our reality is, and has been. And prior to the pandemic, I was on a fairly reliable trajectory - even though it felt scary, I was so excited to launch myself fully into a new life, including a new relationship, a new city, new levels of knowing myself, my own passion work - embodiment mentoring, embodied yoga, writing, art, dance… all the things that make me feel whole, alive, purposeful, reverent.
I feel angry that I’m only now getting back to being able to run again, after my knee gave out last year from not enough gym training because everything was closed - I unequivocally need good trainers, in person, to motivate me - this has become extremely apparent during this time. I pay good money for it too. (while y’all Type A’s can come to me to slow down and rejuvenate - that’s our exchange.)
I feel angry that I’m two years behind where I hoped to be at this time. Starting up flamenco dancing again, figure drawing in person again, moving to the city I meant to two years ago, slowly making new friends during a wild f*cking time where so many people are on edge.
The thing is, it’s so important to feel your anger about what you’ve lost. Or any perceived loss. Real or perceived - it’s processed the same in the body.
And it’s important to feel the grief associated with the anger.
I am grieving two years that I planned to be quite pivotal for my life, lost. Particularly as a woman. As an entrepreneur. As a human being living a life. I will never have them back. You won’t have them back.
Yes, I can look at the bright side, and I do, day in and day out, and find the silver lining in all of this. But that does not negate the real loss felt and that must be grieved to move forward grounded in reality and authentically.
I’m sharing this because a lot of people feel this way, but perhaps don’t understand how to articulate it. Your circumstances might be different. You might be grieving for the two years lost for your children, or anything else. Whatever your circumstances, you feel it.
You gotta feel it.
And for anyone who was just keeping their heads above water prior to the pandemic, when it hit, many of us were submerged under water, attempting our best to cling to some life raft, or person, or drift wood.
I was hit hard because I had made so many huge changes in my life just in time for covid to hit. I was just barely staying afloat, trying to organize my newly planned life.
Thankfully, I know how to swim well enough and I've got some incredibly supportive people in my life.
We need one another. We are not meant to be islands.
Transitions are tenuous times already.
Delicateness & precision is needed during transitional times.
If you’re struggling already, delicateness and precision go out the window if anything else pushes you under.
Then it’s simply about survival. People, animals, will claw their way out to survive. It's instinctual. It's our very nature. It's not wrong, it just is.
Bodies have been found under water where one was trying to save another, and both drowned. The one attempting to be the savior would have claw marks all of their body from the one drowning.
Then there’s been all the wild fires that have put people who were just on the edge of poverty, actually on the streets. It's getting wet and cold where I live again.
Everyone’s struggle has been different during this time. But the same.
If you haven’t struggled in this way, to this depth,
I have two questions for you:
Where have you been ignoring reality?
And where can you help your fellow humans more?
You can think of it like this;
If a friend, family member, or just another f*cking human being, or your dog was in the water trying to keep their head up to breath, and they got caught by a big wave that took them under, you’d understand their struggle. And if you were able, you’d do what you could to help them (while not going under yourself.)
This is akin to what A LOT of people are feeling.
This is akin to what a lot of people will continue feeling.
Have some grace and humanity.
And don’t blame your anger on others. That’s not helping anything. Stop the stories.
If you're angry, you're grieving - take responsibility for it.
Be with it. F*cking feel it.
Your grief and anger is real, and it is valid.
My words here are my way to help people stay afloat.
Resonance of emotional understanding floats the spirit.
I understand what you’re feeling, even if our situations are different.
I love you.
The way I productively channel my own grief, anger and hardship is into understanding reality and what is true.
This is my purpose in life, regardless of circumstances.
If you would like support in being more present with your own anger & grief, and would like to learn to navigate better trusting yourself, being honest in reality and channeling it all for a greater purpose, reach out.
I'm here to help you get afloat and navigate these wild times.
My pricing is generally accessible, enough so I stay afloat and help a wide a range of people as I'm able.
Also, I don't apologize for swearing. I love language - all of it. Every word evokes a feeling, and that's what I'm here for. To feel.