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Meditations on Loneliness, Anxiety & Jealousy

Updated: Dec 19, 2018


A personal note to you: Contrary to what so many people believe, every emotion is actually a dear friend! This time of year can be challenging for a lot of people - even those of us who have family, friends, a job, a home and our health. In one regard, I did not choose these three emotions to really sit with recently - they chose me. And this is what they had to tell me.


Loneliness

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Meeting you reminds me of the loneliness that comes with lost love.

And,

You are worth it.



Loneliness asks us to connect.


As humans, we immediately think of connection with others - with friends, family, or even just making eye contact and smiling at a stranger passing by on the sidewalk.


And these connections are important - we are social animals after all.


But this connection with another is a superficial facade, if we do not first have authentic connection within ourselves.


And to have this authentic connection within, we must connect with each aspect of ourselves - even the parts we don’t want to look at or that we have rejected or disowned.


So we continue to yearn and long for someone outside of us to fill the voids of our own rejected aspects. We run from our darkness, and we run from our own power as well. We give it away to another, ask them to love us back to wholeness and then blame them when the loneliness creeps back into our awareness.


It takes great fortitude to sit with our own loneliness. It is not for the faint of heart. It hurts. It hurts to really feel the depth of how much we have abandoned our own self, and that we have no one to blame but our self. And we must not fall into that trap of self-blame either - that is a toxic relationship within you.


Stop it.


The feeling of loneliness will dissipate each time you truly sit with it. Witness it. Hear what it’s trying to tell you. To connect with yourself even deeper. The crushing yearning hold it may have over you, leaves.


And, it will come back to visit periodically, like an annoying loved-one, each time you forget to accept and love a part of yourself that you’ve neglected and abandoned.


Thank your loneliness for this gift.


Anxiety

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"HELLO!!!!

Did I startle you?

Are you listening???"



Anxiety asks us to move.


Often when feeling anxious, we cannot figure out what to do with it, or where to go, or how to make its intensely aggravating sensation just leave us be.


Many who suffer from regular anxiety may numb the sensation with drugs, alcohol, food, obsessive exercise or constant movement.


And while the movement part is true, many are not listening enough to hear the deeper truth…

Your soul is shaking you for your attention and you ignore it. And it’s understandable in today’s world - we do not live in a way where the act of listening to our soul is nurtured and fostered. In fact, many ways we live, we’re told to be fearful of our soul’s truth - for it is unknowable by the intellect. It is not something that has a set path. There is no college degree, job guarantee, mortgage or payment plan for your soul.


You either listen, or you run.


Anxiety is our soul screaming out when we have run from it for too long. For too many lifetimes.

When we are finally overcome by it, like when we are forced to sit amidst the terror of a panic attack, we believe we’re going to die. But, we survive. This feeling of looming death is our soul saying, “please, listen to me. I am starving to death. I exist to live, to be expressed.”


But all too often we are not around those who know how to guide us to listen more - to hear what is trying to surface from within you.


There may be a grieving process when you first truly begin listening again - allow the grief to surface. Cry. Sob. Shed all the tears that arise. And, continue to listen.


At some point, you will gain clarity from within you, in which direction to move most truthfully in your life.


And your anxiety may pop back up as well, just as a reminder to say, ‘hey! I think you can listen more closely!”


Jealousy

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“Be patient.

Stay on course.

It is meant for you, don’t worry your beautiful mind.

It will come.

I promise.”



Jealousy tells us that, when we see something we want, that we desire, and we don’t have it yet, to root deeper into faith.


Faith has become a terribly conflated word that many instantly disregard as insubstantial, meaningless, useless - without action. I know - I felt this way about faith for much of my life.


I have learned what faith is, through my jealousy.


You see, we only get jealous of something that we desire. And we only desire something that is truly meant for us - otherwise it simply wouldn’t show up on our radar. For example, not an ounce of my being is jealous of becoming a major league baseball player. That is not a part of my truth in this life.


However, I do get envious of the ridiculously adorable elderly couple on the subway, whom are clearly still in love with one another after a lifetime together - a kind of deep and intimate love that can only arise when two authentic people come together in truth, respect and devotion.


And we cannot allow ourselves to be tricked by the facade of what we feel jealous of. We may feel envious about someone’s success, or status… or feel betrayed by someone who has stolen our soulmate from us.


Be courageous enough to peer beneath this superficial layer…

If we are jealous of someone’s musical fame, then we’re simply being asked to dig deeper into our own unique truth and express our gifts to the world. Not to be a copycat. Not to be another version of someone that already exists. For many, this task of continually digging deeper gets to be so exhausting, they quit somewhere along the way. Excuses arise. Justifications. They settle.


When I am envious of the elderly couple still in love, I am being asked to become even more intimate with my own self, clear out more of my garbage, so that I may genuinely show up for this uncommon kind of shared love.


And the more we do this internal work, and internal listening, the closer we are to that which we feel jealous of.


If we maintain our faith, and release our personal timeline to the timeline of however our life unfolds in reality, our jealousy will dissolve upon facing our faith.


If you've found value here, I would be truly honored for you to share with anyone this may resonate with... 

and consider becoming a founding patron! This is a labor of pure love from my soul to yours! Xoxo https://www.patreon.com/enigmaticfeminine

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