I say this with deep abiding love in my heart.
There’s a trend that’s been happening that makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I’ve wrestled with the ‘why’, and even sharing about my discomfort.
And I’ve figured it out (at least mostly.) And I feel compelled to share because in not sharing, I am inadvertently helping untruths perpetuate.
So, some of you certainly have noticed too, I’m sure, this trend over the past few years of calling everyone who appears self-absorbed or toxic a ‘narcissist’.
I myself was also guilty of this years ago.
In my own personal process of awakening, self-discovery, and liberation, I look back in hindsight, seeing the importance of labeling things for the sake of clarity...
But DO NOT STAY HERE.
If you stay in the paradigm of seeing ‘toxic’ people as ‘narcissistic’, you’re not seeing things as clearly as you could be.
For one, I hear way too many people get called narcissistic than there can possibly be actual full-blown narcissists.
True NPD is a very serious diagnosis. It’s rare, and it’s at an extreme polarity of a spectrum of possibility.
Honestly, it’s almost daily I hear this term being used.
And it’s always said by an ‘empath’.
This SCREAMS alarm bells in my head when so many are saying the same thing… my curiosity then goes to…
“Well, what if I, and/or the ones whom see ourselves as ‘empaths’ are also being labeled as ‘narcissists’ by those we are calling ‘narcissists’?”
[👆This line of thinking is a sign of 'trait openness' - someone who's very open-minded, can see all sides... and it’s shown that people with this quality are more susceptible to these kind self-abandoning relationship dynamics.]
Beyond that line of thinking, I have realized over time…
Being an ‘empath’ with poor boundaries and insidiously/unconsciously people-pleasing, care-taking etc is just as EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE as the narcissist.
Please understand me clearly here: I am not saying that someone who is acting sh*tty or behaving in overtly toxic ways is not to be held responsible for their ways.
I AM ALSO saying, those who are self-described empaths who fall victim to ‘narcissists’ have just as much responsibility to take for oneself.
It is a DIFFERENT path of self-responsibility.
The journey is different.
The objective is the same.
An ‘empath’ is self-abandoning to the same equivalent that the ‘narcissist’ is self-absorbed.
Stop abandoning yourself.
Your focus on repeatedly labeling them a narcissist is still self-abandonment.
Whomever ‘them’ are.
Nourish what LIGHTS YOU THE F*CK UP.
You pull your focus & energy back within YOU… the ‘narcissists’ in your life will feel that vacuum left behind that you used to fill with attention, people-pleasing, care-taking… and they will be forced to get curious - at some point - about something NOT about them.
(You do NOT have control over their timeline however.)
(And this is NOT a true narcissist - thank GOD.)
I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying it’s overnight.
But that’s the work. That’s part of the journey, if that’s been part of your story.
And there’s NOTHING WRONG if it takes time.
But KEEP AT IT.
Time = Experience & Wisdom
And THAT is worth looking back on having accomplished.
If you feel directionless or crave support about how to stop self-abandoning, I can 100% help. I’ve been there. I know how horrible it feels. And I know what helped me through my own process.
**Embodiment for one, is KEY.**
I love you. X